i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
