..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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