i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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