need another drink. this is the easiest way
Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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