Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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