in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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