Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
