Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
