Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
