we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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