So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
