In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
