Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
