Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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