Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize