I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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