I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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