im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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