I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
