I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
