Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
