Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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