party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
