I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
