I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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