I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
