ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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