If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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