I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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