Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
