I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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