I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
