i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
