3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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