i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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