I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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