So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
