it's great music for shaving your balls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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