Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
