you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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