I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
