My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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