Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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