I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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