yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
