don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
