I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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