Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's Friday. Sex?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
