Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
