so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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