we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
