I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
