do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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