I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
