need another drink. this is the easiest way
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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