I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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