Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
