ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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