I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
