he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
