I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
