to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
