I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I skipped work to stalk him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
