Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
