When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
