I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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