Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize