ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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