I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
