Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
