fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
