And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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