i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
