Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
