Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
