so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
