My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
