we have pet lesbian snakes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
