So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
