College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
