I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
