Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
