It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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