when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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