I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
