I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
