I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
