if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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