i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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