i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
