Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
