I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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