the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
