Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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