Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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