Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want nice things and good sex
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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