you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
