If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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