Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
