he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
