wake up i wanna do it froggy style
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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