He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize