Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We need a shit load of segways right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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