I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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