Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
